evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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