What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize