airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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