Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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