He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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