There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
