I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
