I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What a dumb baby whore.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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