Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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