we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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