Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
