but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
