Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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