first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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