Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
