He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
