Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
