It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize