When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
