he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
