Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
