where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
