I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
