waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
