you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
