Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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