2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
