Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Me too!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
