he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
