and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
