Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
