so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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