is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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