Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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