So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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