Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
