I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
