sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
