Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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