what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my being single is dangerous.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize