Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
