I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
