for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
