so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
