Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
