He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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