You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
