broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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