is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
