Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
