SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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