Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm bleeding and have questions
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
