Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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