he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
