First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
