well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
