now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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