so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
