never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
