if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
