Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
