god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
