peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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