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dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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