I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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