Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize