Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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